I haven’t read the Stephanie Meyer books, but I feel like I should. It seems that every time I turn around, most frequently on the dozens of dating profiles I read each day, but also at the condo pool, at work, at the dog track, at the homeless shelter, at the gang-banger convention, EVERYWHERE, it seems that people love her books.
Which is great. Good for her. (Jerk!)
From what I can tell, from both what I’ve read and heard from fans with whom I’ve discussed the books, the thing people like the most about these vampire love stories is the actual “love” part of the stories. She apparently is quite skilled in capturing the feeling of love.
Personally, I am not sure if I believe in love anymore. El Presidenté wrote recently that he blamed the movie Say Anything for creating in women our age a warped sense of romance and a distorted view of what it looks like to be in love. I both agreed and disagreed.
As I look around at the dating world and see numberless legions of single people, I can’t help but wonder what we are all looking for. Attraction? Laughter? Intelligence? Washboard abs? Position? Status? Looks? Money? Hookah smoker? A new Mercedes? The lists seem to be so extensive that it’s no wonder nobody can find anybody.
Of course, we convince ourselves that our list is not that long. “My requirements are pretty loose!” we scream at our reflection in the mirror. Surely, we would never be so crass as to think that we would require a potential mate to satisfy a list of qualities, traits and standards that less than .00000001% of the population would live up to.
Yet, here we are all still alone. Single. Searching.
What it really feels like is that we are searching for that “love at first sight.”
Ohhhhhh, you don’t believe in love at first sight, right? Really? You sure about that?
There’s a harsh reality in the business of advertising where a client, and bless them for all they are–you just gotta love ‘em–will stand like Caesar upon the bloody mass of your creative and with thumb teetering this way or that will judge the value of your work by stating that this is NOT the right piece and that they will know what they want when they see it.
The fact of the matter is that we all want to be wowed immediately. Relationships are hard, and if we don’t feel that instant burst, why would we put energy into it? Why would we put effort into it?
There is no science to love. No litmus test. So we hope for that “love at first sight,” or instant attraction, to give us a sign to help us think we won’t be wasting our time.
With age comes the experience of having been burned. Again. And again. And again. But yet again, we are saying that as we spend another night alone watching reruns of “Three’s Company” and eating unbuttered popcorn in our boxers–oh wait, maybe that’s just me.
I used to believe in love at first sight. That’s how I met Ex. Mrs. Portico. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that she was the one.
Did she have that same reaction? You bet your lily-white ass she didn’t.
In fact, it came to light during the separation that she would have broken up with me pretty early on had I not been so passionate about her being “the one.” She never ended up feeling it the way I did.
So who was right? Who was wrong?
How much work did we put into–or NOT put into–the relationship based on how we felt about the validity of our relationship?
As I look out at my dating life and see people who end a courtship early–meaning after a few email exchanges or after a first meeting–because they’re not “feeling” it, I am left to wonder, what exactly are we “not feeling” that makes you want to end it?
Have we become conditioned to believe that every romance is won or lost, built or destroyed in that first meeting? Are we so silly as to believe that “chemistry” is an inherent state, not needing the nurturing of time, friendship and discovery?
I have come to believe that not only am I required to be on my wittiest, most confident and emotionally aloof “A-game” on every date [short and obvious, but still an interesting article: Dating Secrets Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last], but apparently it is no less than a good idea to come to each date with my own orchestrated laser-light show and fireworks display while Tchaikovsky personally conducts an overture while we stare longingly into each other’s eyes.
Or, I need to show up with my own boom box with “In Your Eyes” blasting.
The interesting thing El Presidenté missed in his critique of that movie (yes, I am publicly picking on you, my friend…sorry!) is that Lloyd felt it, Diane didn’t. There was no reason why she should have even given him a first date, but she did. There was no reason why she should have given him a second date, but she did.
Romance is as much about time as it is about attraction. Romance is about discovery.
Now, is every man compatible with every woman? No, of course not.
Does instant attraction really happen? Yes.
However, I think we often fail to realize that that instant attraction guarantees nothing. It is neither an indication of a relationship’s imminent success nor impending failure. Whether we “feel it,” whatever “IT” is, or not, both partners still have to work at it and must be constantly vigilant to ensure it grows, otherwise it will die.
What’s difficult is that when we base our willingness to embark on a relationship based solely on that instant attraction, we’ll never know who we’re passing over in our never-ending search for “it.”
And the only guarantee we’ll have is that the spot on the couch next to us will remain empty and there won’t be somebody there to say, “You know, ‘Three’s Company’ sucks, let’s watch ‘Wings’ instead.”
